I'm not sure what to write in here anymore. Something about it has been lost. I've always known this is public, that writing in it means posting my thoughts for the whole world to see. It was a chance I took because I needed the outlet. I poured my heart and soul into this because I needed to, and I figured no one but the occasional passerby was reading. I didn't write in this blog to share things with the world. I wrote in it to figure out things about myself, and eventually I managed to get to that point.
But then I found out people were actually reading it. And not just close friends... people I wouldn't choose to share my deepest and innermost thoughts and secrets with. I'm glad everyone cares so much about me and feels so much for me and everything else... but I just don't feel the same about this anymore. I feel like I have an audience now, that I'm writing here for all of you because you all want to know what's going on with me. And transferring your heart and soul into words just doesn't work when you're trying to do it for an audience.
I'll still make my updates here but forgive me if they're less emotional, more standard everyday types of things. God is my audience for the other stuff, and that's the way it ought to be.
I'm sorry. It's not that I don't appreciate the thoughts, and it's not that I mind people reading the things that I write, I mean, I do keep it on my website for the whole world to see. I'm just paranoid now.
On a happier note: Here are some words of advice I received on AIM last night, that I think really helped me out.
From Molly:
ScrabblePrancer (10:52:02 PM): I feel like I'm falling in love all over again
sonlyte00 (10:53:05 PM): ok
ScrabblePrancer (10:53:42 PM): is that possible?
ScrabblePrancer (10:53:54 PM): is it likely, I guess
ScrabblePrancer (10:53:59 PM): *sigh*
sonlyte00 (10:54:22 PM): why not?
...
sonlyte00 (10:55:12 PM): but you're still infatuated right now
ScrabblePrancer (10:55:19 PM): yes... yes I am
ScrabblePrancer (10:55:27 PM): I'm not sure what to do
...
sonlyte00 (10:56:20 PM): it'll come naturally
From Wyl:
CloudProphet (10:49:36 PM): if tis meant to be, be it not worth the wait?
CloudProphet (10:49:44 PM): 6 weeks really isn't all that long
ScrabblePrancer (10:50:38 PM): *says the one who can think rationally from a somewhat detached point of view*
...
ScrabblePrancer (10:51:04 PM): six weeks feels like ages to me
...
CloudProphet (10:51:30 PM): i know it can feel like forever... but in the span of your life, 6 weeks is pretty paltry
From Ryan:
ScrabblePrancer (12:37:14 AM): I'm emotional... I'm trying to tell myself *six weeks* before I start dating again but at some points it feels like a really long time
...
Leonhart32 (12:39:27 AM): i want to hear you say these things, if i thought there was a chance things would be worse.