After 3 years of blogging, I am beginning to wonder whether this here blog is past its prime. Not that I have any plans to quit writing in it. I'm just thinking that lately it's been really boring, as compared to way back when it first began. But I suppose life itself was just more interesting in those days. For the past year or so, it's been fairly boring being me. Not in a bad way. I'm not unhappy with my life or the things I do. It's just not the least bit interesting. All the interesting stuff is happening to other people I know, and I'm just sitting in the back seat taking everything in. I suppose that doesn't really have much to do with the blog at all; more just me being tired of not having anything to say when people ask the inevitable "So, what have you been doing lately?"
I think the other problem with the blog is I've come down with an acute case of blog paranoia. I find lately that I'm censoring myself an awful lot, and most of the things I think of writing in here end up scrapped because of some random person or other who may or may not ever find it. This, I find very annoying, because it is quite contrary to what blogs are supposed to be all about. It also seems a wee bit hypocritical, because I have chided (in a friendly way) some people lately for complaining that no one reads their blogs. That's not quite my problem: I'm not that hard up for attention, and I don't count my friends based on the number of comments I get, and I don't consider my blog a success or a failure based on how many people read it. My problem is actually the opposite: I have this unnatural fear that someone I know will read something I wrote, blow it way out of proportion, become deeply offended, and consequently hate me. This is hypocritical because what I always tell people is that it doesn't matter who reads your blog, it is a freaking blog, and the purpose of having one is to write whatever you feel like writing because you want to write it. That you should keep a blog because you want to, because you like to, and not because of what others will or will not think about it. This is the reason I resolutely continue NOT to have comments on my blog; it is mine, and I don't see why I need to let others have any say in it. (And I maintain that if it's important enough, they know how to reach me.) And yet here I am, letting the opinions of others consume my poor little blog without even typing a word.
I will state, for the record, that it is not a completely baseless fear. There have been multiple occasions where someone reading my blog HAS gotten really personally offended and pissed off at me for writing it. Mostly my mom. My parents tell me that they don't read my blog, but it seems that the mood will strike them every now and again. Anyway, I'm just saying that there's a precedent, so I'm not completely crazy. But I do think, sometimes, that I may be leaning too far in the opposite direction now. After all, I don't think I've ever personally attacked anyone in here. I have my opinions, and I'll go after opinions that differ from mine. People take that way too personally. I don't think I am rude, and I try not to name names, in those instances. Put another way, I try to only attach someone's name to a post that has something nice to say about them. I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I haven't followed all the rules perfectly (especially pertaining to an ex-boyfriend of mine), but I do try. So it does seem kind of silly that in recent months I've been so scrupulous about what goes in here.
Oh well. I suppose I should just lighten up. It's not like there'd be anything juicy here anyway, even with those potential extra posts I never wrote. And as far as my parents, well first of all, they're my parents, so by default we disagree on certain things. Second of all, we're of different faiths, so by default we disagree on certain things. Third of all, in general we get along very well, except for when they refuse to think things through logically. ;) And finally, as long as they're going to keep insisting that they don't read my blog, they don't really have a right to complain about what I say, do they.