Registries are evil. Just looking at them makes me think horrible thoughts about people whom I know to be wonderful and sweet and not at all as selfish and impractical as their registry lists might make them out to be. From now on I'm not even going to look. Joe and Miss Manners have convinced me.
(Sidenote: I love Miss Manners. When I get engaged I am buying her book on weddings. She rules.)
Registries are a faux convenience that preys on modern society's tendencies toward selfishness and materialism. I believe they were created initially by a well-meaning bride who received 4 Crock-Pots and no stemware as wedding gifts. She thought, "Isn't it sad that the guests don't know what the other guests have already bought, and we ended up with duplicates. Wouldn't it be handy to have one place to let them know what we need, and what has already been purchased, so other brides will not have to worry about receiving 4 Crock-Pots and none of the stemware they really wanted." And so the registry was born. Then of course the stores caught on, realizing that when wedding couples register at their store, then 300 guests will come pouring in to buy gifts from their store. And who doesn't want that? Which is why registries are now available in every store from Wal-Mart to Tiffany's.
And you notice that they're no longer confined to weddings -- oh no. You must register for babies too. And why not birthday parties? How about Christmas? At this point I think that if there's any occasion where people are expected to give gifts, there's somebody out there who has made a gift registry for it. Gift-giving is no longer something freely done on the part of the giver, it's something specified by the recipient. We're not thankful and humbled by gifts from the heart anymore; we want what we want, and damn it that's what you'd better get for us.
But why is a registry different from a birthday list, or a Christmas list? Well, I might mention that birthday and Christmas lists are things I make for my mother, which generally consist of basic things I actually need (such as socks) and a vague idea of things I happen to be interested in at the moment (such as "scrapbook stuff"). When I was younger they were usually full of things I knew I wasn't going to get (my sister had "horse" at the top of her lists every year since I can remember). I might also mention that my mother receives such a list because she ASKS me for it. The point is, if I was having a birthday party I did NOT enclose my birthday list with the invitations.
But, you argue, the point of a shower is to "shower a person with gifts". Yes, but it is considered rude for a person to say "Come shower me with gifts!" That's why brides don't host their own showers. I have limited experience with showers, but I can say that the most beautiful gifts I've seen given at showers did not come from the registry. Like the beautiful satin pillowcases with antique handmade lace that Molly received as a wedding gift. You can't register for something like that.
Anyway, the point of this rant is that I don't like registries. I can see the value of knowing what the couple wants, yet, is it really so hard to ask them? Or is it really so hard to choose something you'd like them to have? And if they receive 4 Crock-Pots, who cares -- is it really so hard to return some of them? If it's supposed to be the thought that counts, then why are we taking that part away from people?
I understand that nowadays it's expected for people to register for weddings, so okay, that's fine. I won't fault you for having a registry, but I hope you won't fault me for not looking at it. Because unfortunately, being the nutcase I am, when I open up your registry and notice that you've signed up for things like a $30 toilet brush, or 3 sets of dishes, or a complete kitchen even though I know for a fact you've been living on your own (and cooking for yourself) for years... I might start thinking YOU'RE a nutcase, and I don't want to think that way about my friends, because I know you're nice people and I'm happy for you. So I'll just save myself the trouble, and buy you something you'll probably hate, but at least you'll know it came from the heart. :)