I am developing a love-hate relationship with my "stuff". I think that to some extent this is a pre-existing condition that just happens to be manifesting itself lately thanks to the previously mentioned FlyLady. De-cluttering becomes a realization that two-thirds of my crap is really just that: crap. Stuff to be gotten rid of. Stuff I don't need, that is just sitting around taking up space.
It is dangerous to get too into the de-cluttering mindset, because then you start deciding things are worthless and tossing them without really thinking it through, and then really regretting this action later after it's too late. I did this once when I was young (I mean like 10 or 11) when we had a garage sale. I put a price tag on my baby Big Bird, who was absolutely adorable and had a little diaper on that said "Big Bird LUVS you" or somesuch thing. Of course he was snatched up in no time, and I have ALWAYS regretted giving him up. Pathetic, yes I know. I still get jealous whenever I see my sister's matching baby Cookie Monster which she of course kept. I'm sure he must have made some other kid happy though. At least I hope so. He was cute. Anyway, ever since then I've tried to be pretty careful about what I toss... and thus end up keeping pretty much everything. :P
On the plus side I can't remember anything else I sold at that garage sale. So obviously I don't miss it.
I've gotten rid of bunches of stuff lately. Mostly clothes so far. Clothes I don't wear, which were taking up space in my closet. Tell me what is the point of keeping clothes you don't wear anyway? But you'll pull it out and look at it and think "It's really not so bad... I mean, why don't I wear this? I should wear it." And then you keep it, and never wear it, and it starts all over again. I think this has had to do with my upbringing. You feel bad about giving away anything that's in decent shape. Yes, still pathetic.
And then, even worse, are the Guilty Clothing Items. I have dealt with these types of things ever since I was a little kid. My sister, she could always tell Mom no. But when Mom would pull out these things I thought were ugly and say "Oh isn't that cute!" I just have never had the heart to tell her the truth. Never wanted to hurt her feelings I guess. I remember being in a dressing room as a kid, trying on a pair of jeans that I hated with every fiber of my being (which oddly enough came into fashion a few years later, but at that point they were beyond uncool) and just praying praying that they wouldn't fit. Luckily they were too big and she didn't make me get them "to grow into". Whew. But yeah, I have a lot of guilt issues when it comes to clothing given to me by my mother. I think the problem now is that all my silences when I was young led Mom to believe that she and I have the same taste in clothes, and as always when she gives me something I don't particularly like... guilty. I just feel bad telling her I don't like something after she went through all the trouble to pick it out especially for me. Ya know? It's stupid. It's really really stupid.
Two years ago for Christmas it was a jumper. A jumper folks, I mean the type of dress with straps that you wear over a shirt (not a jumper as in a sweater). Jumpers are things that people not my age wear. I had been wanting dressy clothes because I was getting ready to graduate and was starting to look for a job. I wanted classy stuff to wear to interviews. Something that said "Hi, I'm a young professional." Not "Hi, I'm a Mennonite." This is being harsh, but it was what I was thinking when I opened it. A jumper? She would never have gotten my sister a jumper. Kristie and I actually discussed that. ;) Kristie never had any problem being honest with Mom about clothes. I on the other hand, felt bad. I think I mentioned to her that I didn't really like it, but I didn't press the issue. I left the jumper in the box it came in, and it ended up buried somewhere... they found it like 6 months later and asked me if I wanted it. I don't know where it is now, probably still floating around the house somewhere. ;)
Note: This is not to say that my mom has bad taste in clothes, because for the most part she really doesn't. She just has her moments. :) Shopping together works a lot better... nowadays I don't have as much of a problem turning her down while we're still in the store. It's just after she's already bought it and given it to me, that's when I feel bad about disliking it.
Another Note: I actually think I need to include my dad on this one too. Occasionally they conspire on the shopping. Oh man, that makes it even ever-so-much worse, when they BOTH have picked out something special for me and I just... don't... like... it... Through the roof. And again, this is not something they do to my sister, because they know ahead of time that she will hate anything they pick out. ;) And again, this is not to say that they have bad taste. Just that sometimes our tastes do not match. Occasionally. Probably not as often as you might think from this post. I mean I can really only think of about 3 separate occasions.
Anyway for the most part going through my closet wasn't too bad. Mostly just getting rid of stuff I don't wear, and most of that was guilt-free. Even the coat that my aunt handed off to me this past spring, well it wasn't like she gave it as a special gift or something, she was getting rid of it and offered it to me and I was dumb enough to take it... finally realizing I will never wear the stupid thing I just got rid of it myself. Saved her the trouble. But there was that one thing. I have been reluctant to mention it in here because I think by talking about it I keep it alive forever and I want to forget about it. It was a tag-team item. A blouse. Mom and Dad picked it out somewhere in the Caribbean when they went on their cruise... seven years ago. I got it for Christmas that year. I didn't particularly like it when I opened it. I mean, it was nice, but not really me. Just... not. Pretty. A neat kind of a fabric, might have even been silk, not sure. But I didn't really like it. And I felt guilty about that from the time I first opened it. And I think Dad said something about how they saw it and thought it was so "me" when they got it... and I felt even worse. I wore it, more than a few times. It was see-through too which presented even more of a challenge because I had to have something suitable to wear underneath.
Honestly, really, it wasn't like it was an ugly blouse. It really wasn't. I just think it might have better suited my Gram. Except for the see-through part.
This has been my guiltiest Guilty Clothing Item since the time I unwrapped it seven Christmases ago. PATHETIC. Yes, I know. My parents have probably completely forgotten about it by now and it's not like they'd actually care if I never wore it again. Especially since the last time I wore it was probably more than five years ago. But still, this thing has been hanging in my closet laughing at me.
FlyLady says to get rid of items that cause you guilt. Because there's just no point in keeping them. Every time you look at them you will feel guilty, and you're not supposed to feel guilty in your own house. And really she's right. So I finally took that blouse out of my closet, and I put it in the box. Well, I laid it gently on top of the box so it wouldn't get wrinkled. And last week I took the box to the Goodwill Donation Center, and I left it there. Blouse and all. The blouse is gone. But the guilt feelings weren't. In fact I felt even worse for giving it away, because they gave it to me, they picked it out for me, they thought of me when they saw it, and not only did I not like it, I got rid of it! What kind of horrible ungrateful daughter am I?!?!?!
Yes, I know. PATHETIC.
Oddly enough I think this blog is the therapy I needed to let go of this stupid stupid blouse. It is a FREAKING SHIRT, for crying out loud! It doesn't deserve this much attention! I definitely worry too much about the stupidest, stupidest crap!
Someone, somewhere, is going to find that blouse hanging in a thrift store, and fall in love with it. She will lovingly finger the silky fabric, and she will try it on and love the way it feels and looks on her, and she will take it home and wonder how someone could bear to part with it, and she will wear it (over a tasteful cami of some kind) and love all the compliments she gets on it. I like thinking about that. How can I feel guilty about giving it away? This is what "blessing the world" means. I hope someday I pass that lady on the street, and recognize the blouse, and compliment her on it.
Anyway... yeah, I'm over it now. I have unhealthy obsessions with the dumbest stuff, and it's just not worth it! I'm glad I have this silly little outlet to help me get over such things. :)
And Mom and Dad, if you are reading this: I hope you are not mad or hurt! And next time you want to get me clothes for Christmas, let's go shopping together. Cuz face it, that's more fun anyway. :)