In general I don't think I'm too bad under pressure. I can get overwhelmed pretty easily but I'm a lot better at stepping back, breaking down, dividing up problems than I used to be. A big headache-y project becomes a bunch of small manageable mini-projects. I can handle those. No problem. Pressure? Not usually.



Today I am not doing well. One big problem that I don't know how to manage. Don't know what I'm doing. Have some basic steps planned out, but don't know if they will work. The people on the other end still have some things to do before I can even get to my part.



Someone sets a deadline, I'm expected to keep it. Nobody asked for my input on this matter. Wednesday they said, should be enough time. By Wednesday, this has to be working. When did they call me? Monday, 4pm. That means I have today in which to do it. Tell me Friday at 4pm that I have until Wednesday, and maybe I have a shot. Tell me Monday at 8am even. Don't call me as I'm leaving work and tell me I have one day to do it.



Pressure? Yes. Stress? Yes. I am not handling this well at all. I feel like crying, banging my head against the wall, curling up into a ball and hiding. Quitting my job. I have knots in my chest and stomach. Physically I haven't felt like this since the breakup. Unknown. Can I do this? Probably. Can I do this by tomorrow? I don't know. What will happen if I don't? Somebody else looks bad, and I get blamed. This is not my fault. Nobody asked me how long it would take to do this.



By tomorrow they said. We'll call you back early in the morning they said. It's almost 11 and they haven't called.



I just need to calm down. Half of my problem at the moment is that the build-up of stress is making it harder to concentrate. A compounding problem. Trouble concentrating leads to more stress.



I will be okay. I will get this done. Tomorrow I will wake up and it will be over.