It's funny how small things can touch you, or continue to touch you, even seven years later when the person who gave them to you surely doesn't remember who you are. Two-thirds of the time I don't remember her name either, but today I do -- it was Stephanie Ruscio. She was my table leader on Chrysalis #25, in October 1997 in Sodus, NY.
Chrysalis was a fun experience but overall, for me personally, it didn't really do much. I don't remember a lot about it. Talks. Singing. It was cool, but it wasn't for me what it has been for others -- a conversion experience, a weekend-long God moment, a change of life, a new beginning, a new perspective on everything. Frankly I think it's safe to say that I was disappointed when I didn't get all that from it, which is why I don't really remember much of it.
Anyhow, as an agape gift Stephanie had made for each of us a mix tape, which included songs that we heard in some of the talks during the weekend, as well as some other Christian songs I think she just liked. I listened to that tape for months (until Kristie and Lindsay got into making mix tapes), put it away for 6 years, and rediscovered it in March or so... just a few weeks before I was confirmed. I actually remember having it on in the car after the Vigil, after my parents left, when Joe was driving me to Comfort Zone to see Locke. I've been listening to it lately too.
I don't like ALL the songs on the tape but I do like most of them. My favorites being "Mercy Came Running", "Let the Sun Shine In", and "I Believe in God" (which conveniently are right in a row!). "Mercy Came Running" is the one I remember in the car post-Vigil, singing quietly along. That was such an awkward, stressful night for me at some points... a blessing but at the same time so strange... sometimes I think I would rather have had no one there except Joe, but to do that would have defeated the purpose I think. But anyway... I guess when I am stressed, music helps me out a lot... particularly if it's something I can sing to. :) I remember driving one day with tears streaming down my face forcing out the words to "Let the Sun Shine In" too. Weird, yes. It works for me though.
Even with the all the songs I end up fast-forwarding through, this is still the best mix tape of all time. So thank you Stephanie, wherever you are, even though you probably don't remember who I am anymore, for making me a little tape of songs that has meant more to me than you'll ever know.