It occurs to me, now that I've backed out of my work-from-home gig, that a lot of people are now going to be asking me how that's going, and I'm going to have to tell them that I've already quit. And I begin to wonder whether I'm a failure, and why did I accept the job to begin with. To answer the second question first, I accepted it because it would have been stupid not to. Not everyone gets offered that opportunity and it says something that the company was willing to bend over backward to keep me on board in some capacity. And, not being able to foresee what life with a newborn would really be like, it was reasonable to at least give it a try. I had nothing to lose in the arrangement.
Am I a failure? No, I'm not. My life is different now than it was before, and I love it. I don't miss working at all. This new role is much more interesting. There's a lot to learn, and the bigger John gets the more there is. I think I might be able to say that being a mom is something I'm passionate about. People are passionate about many things. Joe is passionate about his job (among other things). I was never passionate about mine. If I had been, then I probably would have found a way to make it work.
There is a feeling of apprehension I have about answering questions about work, as I'm bound to be doing in the coming weeks and months. At first, I thought it was because I'm afraid people might look down their noses at me because I'm "just a mom" and don't have an "important" job. Something I was reading the other day made me realize it is actually the opposite. I'm afraid of people thinking I'm better than they are because I stay home, that I'm putting my family first and those who work don't. Actually, honestly, I'm afraid of getting sucked into thinking that way, because it is so easy to be judgmental, no matter which situation you happen to be in. I'm home because I want to be, and I'm not working because I don't want to, and my husband supports that. There are people who work because they have to, or work because they want to. I'm sure there are people who work because they think they have to even if they really don't, but I don't know who those people are. I'm sure there are also people who really do sit at home eating bon-bons all day and watching soap operas. I'm not one of them, but you never know I guess.