I got to hold a tiny little person yesterday. One week old. So new and so delicate and so soft and so small, so many things to learn and experience and a whole lifetime ahead to fill with them. Life is such an amazing thing, and it must be so much more incredible, so surreal as Joe said, to hold that little one and know that you're a part of her, that you had a hand in her creation. To experience someone's first moments of life and I don't just mean the part that starts after birth. How incredibly blessed are we, that God allows us to share in the miracle of creation. Wow.
I feel like all is right with the world. :) Which is kind of funny, since it wasn't MY kid or even my friend's kid (Joe's friends, I guess that makes them my friends too in a sense but I'm not really sure how that all works). I've been struggling a bit lately, ups and downs really, going to so many weddings and seeing so many new families forming and babies coming and all of those joys that are happening for, it seems, everyone I know. It is so HARD watching your best friend get married and get pregnant and being happy for her while at the same time thinking Why her and not me? How can she be more ready than me? How can I possibly be more ready than I am right now? When will it be my turn? It's not like I WANT to feel that way about it but I can't exactly help it sometimes. It's not like I'm unhappy where I am and I don't feel that my life is meaningless and I know that I am where I am and I will be where I will be and I'm not to want what everyone else has or begrudge them their happinesses. I know all of those things but knowing them and living them are different crosses, and one is significantly heavier.
All in good time, God says to me. Learn patience. You can wait, there's no need to rush. It will be worth it.
Today though, I am not feeling those jealous feelings that have been plaguing me on and off for most of this year. Yes, this YEAR. But it hasn't been a constant, horrible green monster... just an occasional demon popping up here and there. I'm sure the demons will return, probably every now and again for the rest of my life. "The grass is always greener..." There are probably people who occasionally wish they had what I have.
But I guess, somehow holding that baby for a couple of hours yesterday, touching her tiny little hand with microscopic fingernails and watching her eyes flicker open and her brows furrow as she considered me... that was neat. I got to see a miracle first hand. Everything is a miracle if you stop to think about it, babies being an easier kind to recognize, but everything is, and who am I to begrudge anyone of the miracles that God chooses to bless them with!
So on that note...
Congratulations to Grant on his new job, and to Molly and Grant both on the upcoming (impending! looming!) birth of their daughter. I can't wait to see her. :)
Congratulations to Tim and Cathy and Caitlyn, on the birth of little Cindy who inspired this blog. :) Congratulations to Sean and Emily and Katherine whose newest addition is due to arrive in March. Congratulations to everyone with new and not-quite-so-new babies.
Congratulations to Jason and Pam who are engaged as of yesterday, and to Jason and Liz who are getting married next weekend, and to everyone else that got engaged or married recently.
Congratulations to Joe for somehow managing to successfully balance work, school, teaching, homework, me, and his sanity. Congratulations to me for every babystep I take. Congratulations to everyone for all the cool things going on in your lives, even if they have nothing to do with marriage or children, because that doesn't make them less important.
Oh and PS: There is nothing cuter than watching your boyfriend interact with kids, whether he's holding a newborn or letting a toddler climb up in his lap. :)