My show has ended. I suppose I can't really call it 'my' show as I've hardly watched it for the past few seasons, except in reruns, and I really only watched regularly for a few seasons somewhere in the middle, anyhow. It was a good show though, funny and with great characters. Not always the brightest and not always doing things I agree with. :P But a good show nonetheless. I'm sure I'll keep watching it in reruns as long as it's on. I'd love to watch every episode once, from beginning to end. Just to say I have. That's about the only show I can think of that I'd want to do that for.



In other news, it's storming. Not too scary, at least, since I'm home by myself. (Well, me and Asher.) I think one of the scariest storms I remember was from two summers ago, living on West Main, at the time when I was stuck alone there for two weeks. A thunderclap so loud and so close that the whole apartment literally shook. I like storms, but I like them better when I'm not alone in them.



I remember being little and racing downstairs to jump into bed with Mom and Dad when there was a thunderstorm. I look forward to having my own little ones huddling into bed with me, to protecting them from the scary storm outside.



Mother's Day is approaching and I'm not on speaking terms with my mother.



Motherhood is a concept I've been thinking about more and more over the past year or so. It is something I have always known I wanted. It is something I know I am not ready for right now and I am content with that. My time will come if it's meant to and I hope I will do well. It's fun to dream about still, although I find my dreams to be more practical now. I still like to think about what I would name them, but now I also think about them more as little people. What will they look like. Who will they take after. Will we have a yard full of athletes or a living room full of musicians. Will they be artists or poets. Will they be outspoken or shy... passive or take-charge. What will they grow up to be. How much of themselves will come from me. It's amazing to think about that, and to think of how they begin. It's amazing to realize that every child I will have, if I have any, is already inside my body now. They are not even conceived and yet already I am their greatest advocate, their primary caregiver.



Joe asked me whether I'd like to have a boy or girl first. The obvious answer being, of course I don't really care! Whoever God sends me I'll be glad to receive. Still, the answer I generally give is, boy. I don't think it's so much that I want a boy more than a girl. I've just always, for some reason, pictured myself with little boys. Sort of how Molly has always seen herself having girls. It's the way we relate to people I guess. It doesn't mean we'd love our daughters or sons any less! :)



In my Sims game by the way, Joe and I have a daughter, and I'm perfectly content with that. :) (We also have a sweet house, designed by moi.)



Following the progress of Molly's pregnancy has been a neat experience for me in some ways. I look forward to the someday when it might be my turn. I know I have said before that I savor the suspense of waiting for things. Knowing that something good is going to happen, that something great is coming, not knowing exactly what or when. Birthdays are often like that for me. Or the days leading up to a great time with Joe, like last weekend when we went to see Grease, or even tonight getting together for the final episode of Friends. Like looking forward to all the neat plans we have for this summer. Like knowing that someday when I least expect it he might propose to me. Pregnancy even in its low points just seems like the culmination of that suspense and excitement that I love so much. What a gift.



Once again I am not getting the sleep that I really should be trying harder to get. Especially since I know for a fact that the cat is going to wake me up one hour before the alarm goes off. This has been a rather annoyingly disturbing pattern of late.



It is hot in my apartment and I think that calls for a night without pajamas. And tomorrow, definitely gotta get the flannel sheets off the bed. And do the dishes I couldn't do yesterday because there was no hot water. :P



Good night to all.