Joe said that he tends to equate the weather with my mood and I'm wondering whether he's actually onto something there. More likely though, the weather is affecting my mood... but then again, I am noticing patterns in it. Today for example, is not the first time it's been cold, rainy, and just downright grey on a day I had to send my Joe back to work. Yesterday was lovely out, today it's just blah. Another specific example of this was graduation weekend: Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were sunny, warm, and gorgeous. Tuesday, the day we had to say goodbye -- gloom city. Last Saturday when I went home: sunny and beautiful in Hamburg in the morning, then I hopped on the Thruway and the closer I got to Syracuse, the harder it rained. Honestly, it's downright depressing. It's not like we parted on bad terms or something, we had a great time together and seriously I would probably be in a much better mood if it weren't for the weather! *growls at the rain* It's so much easier to be cheerful on your own when it's shiny and bright. I could be happily going grocery shopping, then maybe go to the park or something, or even waste my life playing the Sims and actually enjoying it. Instead here I sit wasting away another day, pining for my Joe. *kicks self* This is annoying.

Part of it, no doubt, has to do with the fact that two days from now is the end of my freedom. The dreaded first day of work. I should be excited about it, after all it's a real 9-5 job doing exactly what I wanted to do, and I'm starting two weeks after my graduation when I know there are people who graduated a year ago and are still looking, so I totally lucked out and I should be thankful for it. And I AM (although I probably will be moreso once my paychecks start arriving). I just... I dunno. I like my freedom. Not only that... me starting work means big changes in my life. Some good, most good really, but somewhat less than fun. In general I don't think I'm big on change. Sometimes it is healthy. Sometimes it is fun. There are a few major life changes that I am really looking forward to. Marriage is a big one. Kids are another. Even smaller -- getting my OWN apartment in a couple of months. Being financially independent. Graduating from college was one I looked forward to because it meant being one step closer to everything else I want. Going to work is a blessing for that same reason, and in a big way it's a good change. But there are a lot of little changes that come with going to work. The biggest one is its claim on my free time, and in particular my free time with Joe. The last two weeks spending all kinds of time hanging out together have been so much fun, and I know I'm going to miss it. I think once I move to Buffalo it might be a little easier (with me living 15 minutes away instead of 40) but there still won't be the flexibility like when I was in school and could just say "screw it" to classes here and there (another slightly painful change, even if Joe wasn't in the picture, but life is not like college so I'll get used to it). There are other things but I don't feel like listing them. There's no point.

I should be enjoying my second-to-last day as a completely free woman. I am going to find some friends this evening so that should help a little bit (although I'm half-tempted to stay home, hole up in my room, and wallow in self-pity -- I have no idea why that seems appealing). I should be doing my grocery shopping and plotting fun surprises and feeling cheerful and looking forward to the evening and to the week ahead. *sigh* Blah.

On the bright side... on my desk are six absolutely gorgeous red roses from someone who loves me a whole lot. And the forecast for tomorrow: mostly sunny. :)