Signs that the End is Near

• People seem to think I'm due this month.
  
• My belly literally sits on my lap. I have to lift it up in order to put my legs together and sit like a lady.
  
• I can no longer see parts of my anatomy that I used to be able to see.
  
• Every time I stand up, I have to pee.
  
• I no longer sleep through the night -- partly due to having to get up and pee at least once, but also because I cannot roll over without waking up.
  
• Joe can have the whole comforter; I go to sleep with just a thin sheet, and even then I'll wake up drenched in sweat and eschew covers for most of the night.
  
• I quit tying my shoes over a month ago.
  
• I can't reach across my body anymore to unbuckle my seat belt.
  
• I no longer walk, I lumber. Or waddle.
  
• Dresses and skirts hang off me like tents.
  
• By bedtime each evening, my left foot and ankle are 1.5 times the size of my right.
  
• My pants won't stay up over the belly, and my shirts are barely long enough to cover it.
  
• My engagement ring is temporarily banished from my finger, as I fear that one of these mornings it might not come off. (Happily my wedding band is still on for now.)
  
• My winter coat no longer zips.
  
• Reasonable portion sizes leave me feeling like I overate, yet I'm still hungry.
  
• My formerly innie belly button is threatening to become an outie.
  
• Joe bumped his head on my belly the other day.
  
• In order to type on my computer at home, I have to move my chair back to make room to pull out the keyboard tray.
  
• I only have 3 weeks left of work.
  
• March is 5 days away.